BRRRRRR

Winter is officially here.

Where I live, it is  CoL.D. as my dad used to say.  I hate it! I am always waiting till the last second to get my thermal gloves and have to make more time to scrape all the frost from the windshield, and I have to get a hat that actually works!  I haven't owned a real puffer coat since my  days in Chi-town, but I just ordered one, because I want to live free from frigidity!!!!! I wanna be able to go out and walk about and not be bound to the home front! you know?

THe air is dry outside, inside, my face is getting dry, had to buy a new moisturizer! And don't even let me get started on my hair! It is feeling like this

LOL!

So I am not playing, I got the Shea moisture on hand, and what I'm preferring to do is to shampoo and really just do a deep treatment and my usual.   I'll keep you posted to see if it works out better.  I haven't been doing protective styling really so, but it may be a necessity if I have to do this often.  

Alright! 

Love you all,

Freely living.

anxiety

I don't know about anyone else, but I deal with a significant amount of anxiety from time to time. And sometimes I really wish I wouldn't have to deal with this.  What helps me and what has helped in the past is
1) God- faith, knowing that God is with me no matter what happens and is keeping me company through  my episodes of anxiety
2) Nature- I find peace and happiness in nature, beautiful scenic places that are close by, this helps me get centered really easily and forget the pestering things that are getting my nervous or anxious in the first place
3) Music- especially classical or worship music
4) Getting away from whatever the problem
5) Affirming thoughts like " I can handle this, God is with me, no weapon formed against me shall prosper, no body really cares, this is not that serious."
It doesn't always work, like right now.  I'm nervous about some upcoming ventures, and I am working on preparing myself so I will feel more and more confident, but in the meantime, I feel like its a Goliath, mammoth task.  God is able. and I am able.
Does anyone have any other tips?

Living Freely

Shea -moisture deep treatment masque review....

Hello everyone,

Thanks for the love! Welcome welcome to my blog!
OK so last night I decided to try the shea-moisture deep treatment masque not as a deep treatment but as a styling cream for my twistout.
I did not wash the hair, I just wet it in sections applied the masque then did my normal seal with tea tree oil and eco styler gel to finish it all off. Sat under dryer for 30 min.
Review
THIS IS A NEGATIVE. I didn't like it as a styler, it left my hair with a wierd film, and when I applied it I didn't feel like it had a lot of slip. I might try it for what it was meant for, but I heard it could double--not for me! lol IT wasn't horrible... but it wasn't great either. I'll let you know what I thought of it as a moisture masque.
PICS

dont laugh, the back was a little suspect today.   

Up next: My hairstory. 

jazz as african american classical music

Been reading up on different black musicians and composers, and came upon this quote
"Jazz is African American Classical Music, created from the hearts, lives and souls of black folks in America," states Rev., Dr. Myers

This was interesting to me because i've been thinking about how we as black musicians can go forth in being creative artists.  I thought about mainstream music: R&B, Rock and Roll, Hip Hop, Rap, Pop music, etc. then I thought about classical music and also jazz.

So lots of American music draws from jazz music, and even R&B and these other pop musics also draw from this  art music.

Looking at Dawson's Negro Folk Symphony and Still's Afro symphony, I've heard the influence of jazz and spirituals.  Some of it sounds very much like how Gershwin treated his music influenced by black music.  To be honest, it is cool, but some times it can be corny. I don't know... maybe I just don't have the revelation yet. It just doesn't sounds very original, I guess.  NOw Summerland, by Still does speak to my soul, and it doesn't sound trite.  Its just beautiful.



I have to say my mind is changing! Maybe it has to do with being married to a jazz musician in combination with reading Woodson's Miseducation. I am convinced that there is real revolutionary purpose out there for black musicians and composers.

Shea moisture review!!!!! OH la la! Soo soft!

Hey everyone,
I've been loving this product line from  Shea Moisture. I got it at Target for $10 and is totally natural! The one I am loving is Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and the Hair Milk.
After washing and doing an Aphogee 2 minute Keratin conditioning treatment. I separated my hair into four big sections and then  double strand twisted the back in big twists and did four big flat twists in the front.  I also used some tea trea oil to seal ( I usually use olive oil) and then put Eco Styler Clear gel to set it.  Last step was to sit under the dryer for an hour and then voila!  Soft, defined beautiful curls!!!!!  I got four days out of this!

Next I'll be trying out their Deep treatment masque and their hold and shine moisture spray

Love,
Anoa

cultivating new passions and interests

Hey everyone, long time no see!
Its been a busy couple of months. Lots of soul searching and asking God for some hint as towhat my passions are. Some times on the job, I don't always feel fulfilled, and even with recent interests, like orchestral conducting, I still feel like there is more joy out there, more fulfillment.
In the past couple of weeks, I've noticed I have an interest in something that keeps showing up and has been in my head for some time. That is HEALTHY HAIR!  When I say it, I dont feel like its what I should be passionate about, I should have something more lofty right? But I love talking about the health of a person's hair, and products and techniques to use to produce great results. People often comment on my hair when its natural, asking what I've done to it, even when its straight, they ask how did I get it to grow so long, etc. And I'm never bothered by these questions, it brings me happiness to help others get to a healthy hair place and to a place where they can treasure their natural hair.
So I think I'm gonna look into that more. There is a voice in my head that says its beneath me, because of my focused on education upbringing, but if I love hair, then I love hair. Can't help that.

I've been cultivating my interest in music for some time now, and believe I'm getting a glimpse now into something else I need to search out. God willing I'll find myself in a place of peace and freedom as a result. Bye for now!

Love ,
a woman in pursuit of passion

mis educated?

I'm reading Carter G Woodson's Miseducation of the Negro.  I' ve been exposed to a lot of different things recently, mostly on racism in america.  Out of that this book came to my mind, as something I've never read, even though it has sat on my parent's bookshelf since I was small.

So far Mr. Woodson makes several great points even though this book was written over 80 years ago, these points are relevant even now to our black race.
One thing he talks about is our miseducation.  He discusses black elite, and black scholars, and gives some suggestions as to the direction that we need to take.

One of the things that I appreciate him saying out rightly about the arts

"Negroes graduating from conservatories of music dislike the singing of folk songs.  For some reason such misguided persons think that they can improve on the productions of foreign drama or render the music of other people better than they can themselves." p. 140

This has to do with me, and some of the mental anguish I've been experiencing. My reaction is that yes a lot of western european music is accessible to a black musician. It touches me and moves me just the way it does them.  Rendering it though....

He also contends that we learn in school and through our education to imitate and do as we are told in order to succeed. However, we may not need to do what was done before, even if it was a worthy thing.

So new thinking, new ways of doing things, also education of ourselves begins to emerge our aim. Who are we as black people. What do we need to develop as a culture? How do we see things, how should we express ourselves. How should we educate the next generation?

These thoughts are still swirling in my head. And I can't wait for clarity of thought.

Peace

I'm the adult

The bottom line today was that I had to act in my adult mode. I can't get crazy, I can't lose it. I show that I am an adult by being in control of my actions and my emotions.

Some kids were testing me today, and I can't say I passed completely.  One kid in particular bugs me, because he just has this arrogant attitude, and he displays a bad model for other students. I need to address his behavior, but it should probably be when it actually occurs. He is older so I can hit him with the mature thing, but I know that he is still a kid.  He still acts like one, completely.  OK, also as a Christian I realize that his potential is not there, and that is not my ministry. IT just isn't so I really should give my attention to folk I can actually impact and help.  NOt ignore the individuals, but just understand that if they don't get it, then they just wont get it with me.   I'm ok with that and I need to invest my energy and mental space on those I came here for.  Perhaps these individuals can be ministered to by someone else, but it doesn't seem to stick with me.  Lord purge me from any evil, allow your love to flow deeply through my veins. Give me the wisdom to deal with every situation.

God allow me to be the adult at all times, but still be loving and your child.  with your heart as my heart. Thank you Jesus for your word that melts even the hardest heart.  Give me a clean heart that I may serve you alone.
Thank you for dying for me and allowing me to have access to this free life. I'm sooo blessed ! I want to say thank you for rescuing me and allowing the privilege to work with these talented  young musicians.

Love,
your child

Another Day

Aug 23, 2010

OK its been an interesting day, my husband came back last night, which leads me straight into today, first day back at work.  

I got ready and got straight to school, was feeling nervous, anxious, so took my mind off it by listening to some Gungor! Love it! Why because it just gets me in a different mental space. 

During rehearsal, some weird things occurred, like kids being scared or unwilling to warm up. I have three seniors who are not really performers, and I don't think any of them are gonna want to go into music, so they weren't great role models. The rehearsals went pretty good. I was scared to talk to the kids about my new role, and my throat threatened to close up several times because of crazy nerves, but once the music started those dissipated. I am proud of myself for saying what I have to say to these children.  They really are kids and not adults and they are not always going to do the right thing.  Frontal lobes.  

I worked at organizing school stuff and then came home to my husband.

I love my hubby, but I did see today that I have to make a choice what to invest my time in....him or work.  cooking dinner or going to get some supplies.  I had to remember my place in good way, althought it was drainful and I also see it is something I gotta give up to God. He is gonna have to work it out in my heart, because Lord knows it a renewal of the mind.  

My husband is amazing, because I realized God gave him the wisdom to know how to cheer me up and help me forget about my stressful day.  Praise God.  I'm thankful that God allowed me to lean on him.  

Another day, tomorrow. I'm praying for a blessed one. 

Peace

Bouncing Back.

Hey everyone,
So my husband is out of town for the first time without me and the last couple of days have been a straight up silly pity party. I was moping around,  laying on the couch, not really motivated to do anything. Yesterday I had to make myself go out and hang with my family members for support. I really missed my DH, but I also have a lot to do before school starts and  I couldn't seem to just get started on it all.

This morning that all had to change, that pity party was enough, and there was a part of me that knew I had to get to Jesus, to God to pull my self out of the muck.  So I did I read the word, I prayed and God was talking to me about having perspective.  THe thing for me to realize so that I do have motivation and keep moving even if I'm not super excited about the task itself, is to know that my life is in service to God, and therefore in service to his people.
Also an empowering thought is to know that I am an heir of Christ and a child of God through adoption. That means that spiritually and naturally I am made of the same stuff as the creator Himself.
Ralph Lauren's children all say that their style idol's are their parents, they can't help but have style running through their veins.   Likewise, I can't help but to be like God in the earth.  I am made of the stuff and have the potential to reflect Jesus in everything I do. The greatest commandment to "Love you neighbor as yourself" becomes your very life.

Also when you know that God is with you and for you and in you, you begin to have confidence. You know that whatever happens God is right there, giving you strength to do His will, to live this life.
How many hurtful things happened to Jesus, but Jesus kept his eye on the Father, and what His Father asked him to be and to do in the earth. Your mind being in peace, being able to allow people's hate to roll of your back, being cool, and above all that, has to do with your faith and confidence in who God created you to be, and what God asks you to do.

I am a teacher and sometimes, it is not easy waking up every morning with that weight, but  one thing is for sure, God is with me ,and their are many opportunities throughout the day for God to be revealed through me, to help someone, to serve someone. Jesus beared it all: ridicule, injustice, hatred, name calling, lying, and he prayed to the Father for strength to endure it all; and also he understood that it wasn't necessarily about him.  He had perspective and God kept his mind through it all.

I pray that God keeps my mind through this journey here.  I have confidence to know that my life is meant to serve a greater purpose than myself. God is orchestrating my life to fulfill his will, and I surrender to his will.  I pray that God calls to my remembrance who He is and who I am in Him, remembering his word.

Today I am freer to live, I can walk out the house not depressed because of what  I lack, but impressed with all that I have.   Love lifted me again.

He's with me!

So I've had great deposit from Jesus about God's omniscience, omnipresence, and omnipotence.  I got side tracked and have been missing the understanding that God is with me all the time! Now that is a simple statement but when you magnify God for who He is.  Awesome and mighty, King of Kings and creator of all we see. Also knowing that he is All powerful or in other words the mightiest and the biggest and baddest and sovereign.

I love the word of God, reading it for myself has truly blessed me. Reading other people's blogs is good and gives you a sense of where to go, but its so much better when you read it for yourself.

What  God has impressed upon me is to lift Him up higher, magnify him. So that when he says He is with me, that I know that I'm protected and taken care of, the pressure is off . Also to know he has a plan for everything. He has a plan for my life and I know very well that he has an expected end in mind. Thoughts to prosper me.

I love that God is showing me how to prevail, to have peace and to be content.
Thinking about mistakes, I can shrug them off knowing that God makes all thing well, and that my value is outside of the tasks that I do. My value is established upon who God is. Who I am is valuable, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has a plan for my life, no matter how many mistakes I make.  

Bye for now.

Gungor - Beautiful Things

Love this healing message from Michael Gungor.  Listen to the message.
God makes beautiful things out of the dust and out of us!
Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, [and] I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Psalm 139:14
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made: marvellous [are] thy works; and [that] my soul knoweth right well.




Words to believe about ourselves.  To speak about ourselves.  

Searching

I'm really loving the opportunity to talk with no inhibitions. To you, which is no one currently. I just had a great conversation with my husband. He is such an encourager and motivator who speaks the truth.  I love him soo much.

Ok so I was sharing my thoughts about this journey in being who I was meant to be.  One thing he helped me with is
1) I'm living life fine! I'm always looking for ways to improve myself, and already the purpose of my blog has shown my feelings of myself. That there is something wrong perhaps, but I'm ok.

2) In my heart of hearts I'm a musician  through and through. I just haven't found my voice, or my outlet for my voice.   In one breath I'm thinking that conducting is my outlet of the river that is inside; however at the end of the day  I don't know if that is even all that I have to offer.

My passion is music. I know that I have an abundance to share in that area.  Stay tuned for just how that works itself out.

Words of encouragement

I found this nugget at another woman's blog http://www.livingincourageonline.com/

She too is on a journey to live courageously and freely.  The following is an excerpt from Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass" : 

“I exist as I am, that is enough,

If no other in the world be aware I sit content,

And if each and all be aware I sit content.

One world is aware, and by the far the largest to me, and that is myself,

And whether I come to my own today or in ten thousand or ten million years,

I can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness, I can wait.”

Walt Whitman

I love this because it deals with acceptance of self and with what is: truth. 

AG Freed

This blog is my journey of living free. A G = Anoa Green. So AGFreed= Anoa Green Freed. I was born free--free to be a thinker, creator, and this is my declaration and challenge to myself to live as I was born.

This summer I have had a lot of time to reflect, I have dreams of what I'd like to do in the future, and I know God has a plan for me.  The challenge I feel is to live in the moment, be free of doubts and fears that keep me from living a full life. I want to enjoy my days here on earth, I want to enjoy my husband and my future and current family. I choose life, and I believe doing otherwise is in a way choosing to die.

After graduating from college and beginning a career in teaching, I've noticed myself getting more and more anxious. Often feeling nervous, feeling lots of pressure and not necessarily enjoying every moment of being with other people, students and colleagues.

It seems God has made me to shine to standout and I've been blessed almost charmed. I know for a fact that I have a lot to share with the world, and I want to live to do that. To share my life with God's creation. Be a part of this magnum opus. God's magnum opus.

So this is my process of shedding of negatives and putting on of positives.
Join me in the journey of Living Free!  Let's go!